My Nan was taken to hospital on Friday 19th August 2011 after having problems breathing i think we all knew deep down that Nan wasn't going to come home but just as nan did when she found out she had breast cancer 11 years ago me mum and nan all put a brave face on and was strong for each other. We was told that Nan had a build up of fluid on her left lung which was causing the difficulty of her breathing. They had to draw the fluid of by inserting a needle into her lung but just as before my Nan said if that's what needs to be done then so be it. Me and mum sat by her side and it broke our hearts to see them hurt her, I remember me and mum saying if I could have it done for you I would in a flash, she would just look and say i'm ok and then give you a little smile. We knew it wasn't looking good when the doctor said they had to analyse the fluid, but me and mum tried to keep her spirits up but most of all be there for her. They sent her to a ward which she wasn't pleased about but once again she never moaned or complained. They put her on Michael Bates ward in north middlesex but we was lucky that the nurses were kind and caring and each and every time they did anything for my nan she would always say thank you even if they hurt her, but that was my nan kind and polite. We had to wait a week for all the results to come back. Me and mum decided that the doctors would speak to us first and we would then discuss things with Nan. I remember the Doctor saying we are so sorry but your Nan's cancer has returned and there is nothing we can do but try to make her comfortable, it was a weird feeling me and mum seemed to take in what he said but our protectiveness seemed to overtake as we were both determined that we would not tell my nan she was dying, but gave her the respect we think she deserved to tell her some of the truth. It was so hard sitting with my nan and mum listening to the doctor telling her that her cancer had returned, knowing me and mum knew there was nothing they could do for her I felt sick to my stomach but just tried to smile and reassure her just like she had always done for us. I prayed she would say it's ok darling i'm not going anywhere, but deep down I know my nan knew and I think she was happy her time was coming as she had wanted to be with my grandad for so long now. They moved my nan to the oncology ward called Podium 1 that evening. I remember my Nan just sat so quiet as if I had just told her that it was going to be sunny tomorrow, not that the cancer had returned. We went with her to the ward and I must admit, I hated it there, it was dark and there was an odd atmosphere that you just couldn't explain. I remember the nurse on that evening that dealt with the changeover was tall and big and I remember my nan's eyes looking wide and vulnerable and she said bloody hell look at the size of him..... his name was Jack or Jackie boy as my nan's sister Linda would call him. Over the week my Nan was in there he turned out to be a really gentle giant who was kind and caring. He would often take his tea breaks in the evening with my nan just chatting to her. My Nan liked him and to be fair I know it was his job but he seemed to take extra care with my nan and I will always appreciate his kindness, he made a difficult time a little easier. Over the few days that followed me and mum could see the deterioation with Nan but as always she was so strong, but we could see she was getting tired. I hated seeing her in there and many times wanted to bring her home, but the thought of her in pain and me not being able to help her stopped us from doing that. My Nan had a few up days as well as down while in there that week but one day which will stay in my mind was the day they had to remove the drain in her lung, my nan said she was fine and that she didn't need us to stay but something made me ignore her that day and I asked the nurses if I could stay with her. That was the only day I saw my nan cry. They had to pull the tube out very quickly to stop any air getting into her lungs and that really hurt her. After they cleaned the wound and sat her in her chair she asked me for a cuddle and bless her she cuddled me so tightly and told me I love you so much and I always will. I remember telling my Nan how proud I was of her and how much I loved her and Im so glad I did. Even though me and mum told her every day "Love you" this time it meant so much more than I can explain. I knew then that Nan was going.